What to Do When Someone Dies: A Complete Guide

Nobody teaches you what to do when someone dies. There is no class for it. No handbook handed to you at the hospital. One moment you are holding their hand, and the next you are standing in a hallway trying to remember how to breathe. And then someone asks you a question you were never prepared for. What funeral home would you like us to call?

When my mother passed, I remember the strange duality of those first hours. Half of my brain was underwater with grief. The other half was making phone calls, signing paperwork, and googling things like "do I need a death certificate to close a bank account." I wished someone had just handed me a list. Here is what to do. Here is the order. Here is what can wait.

That is what this guide is. Not a replacement for grief counseling or legal advice specific to your situation. Just a clear, compassionate, practical walkthrough of what comes next. From the first hour to the first year.

The First 24 Hours

The first day is about taking care of immediate needs. Nothing else. You do not need to plan a funeral today. You do not need to call everyone. You need to handle a small number of time-sensitive things and give yourself permission to let everything else wait.

If They Passed at Home

1. Call 911 or the non-emergency police line. Even if the death was expected, you need an official record. If they were under hospice care, call the hospice nurse first. They will guide you through the process and can pronounce death without involving emergency services in most states.

2. Do not move the body. This is important. Wait for the medical professional or coroner to arrive and make the official pronouncement.

3. Contact a funeral home. If you have not already chosen one, you do not need to decide immediately. The coroner or hospice service can hold the body temporarily. But if you do know which funeral home to use, call them. They will arrange transport.

If They Passed at a Hospital or Facility

The staff will guide you through their process. You will typically be asked to:

• Identify the deceased (if not already done)
• Sign release forms for the body
• Choose a funeral home for transport
• Collect their personal belongings

Take your time with this. You do not have to rush out of the room. Sit with them if you need to. There is no clock on saying goodbye.

If the Death Was Sudden or Unexpected

Sudden loss adds layers of shock and sometimes legal complexity. If the death was accidental, violent, or unexplained, the coroner or medical examiner will need to investigate. This may mean:

• An autopsy will be performed (you may not have a choice in this)
• The body may not be released to a funeral home for several days
• Law enforcement may need to ask you questions

This is not the time to handle anything beyond the immediate. Let the professionals guide the process.

Who to Call in the First 24 Hours

Call a short list of people. Not everyone. Just the inner circle.

• Immediate family members who do not already know
• One or two close friends who can help you start making calls to others
• Their employer (if applicable) so coworkers are not left wondering
• Your own employer to let them know you need time
• Their doctor if they were receiving treatment
• A religious or spiritual leader if that is part of your family's practice

Who NOT to Call Yet

• Extended family and acquaintances (these can wait 24-48 hours)
• Insurance companies (tomorrow or the day after)
• Banks and financial institutions (this can wait a week or more)
• Social media (please wait, we will cover this below)

Practical Things to Handle Today

• Secure their home if they lived alone. Lock up, check that appliances are off, bring in any mail.
• Take care of their pets. This is urgent and easy to forget. Arrange temporary care immediately.
• Locate important documents if you can. Look for a will, insurance policies, and any pre-planned funeral arrangements. Check a desk drawer, a filing cabinet, a safe, or ask close family if they know where these might be.
• Start a notebook or notes app. Write down every name, number, account, and task as it comes up. Your memory will not be reliable right now, and that is completely normal.

The First Week

The first week is the hardest and the busiest. You are grieving and planning at the same time. Give yourself grace. Accept every offer of help. Let someone bring food. Let someone answer the door. You do not have to do this alone.

Obtain Death Certificates

You will need multiple certified copies of the death certificate. Order at least 10 to 12 copies. I know that sounds like a lot, but nearly every institution you deal with (banks, insurance, government agencies, the DMV) will want an original certified copy.

The funeral home usually handles ordering these from the county vital records office. They will ask you to provide information for the certificate, including:

• Full legal name of the deceased
• Date and place of birth
• Social Security number
• Parents' names (including mother's maiden name)
• Occupation and education level
• Marital status

The cost is typically $10 to $25 per copy depending on your state.

Notify People

Designate one or two people to be your "notification team." Give them a list of people to call. This is an enormous help. People who should be notified in the first week include:

• Extended family
• Close friends
• Their church, club, or community group
• Neighbors
• Their attorney (if they had one)
• Their accountant or financial advisor

Plan the Service

You have choices here, and none of them are wrong.

Traditional funeral: Usually held within 3 to 7 days. Involves a viewing or visitation, a service (religious or secular), and burial or cremation.

Celebration of life: Can be held anytime, from the same week to months later. Less formal. Focuses on who the person was rather than the fact of their death. We have a full guide on planning a celebration of life if this path feels right.

No formal service: Some families choose a private burial or cremation with no public event. This is valid. You do not owe anyone a ceremony.

What to ask funeral homes:

• What is included in your basic service fee?
• What are the costs for the casket or urn? Can I purchase one elsewhere?
• What is the charge for embalming, and is it required? (It often is not.)
• Do you offer payment plans?
• Can I see an itemized price list? (They are legally required to provide one under the FTC Funeral Rule.)

Funeral costs in the United States average $7,000 to $12,000 for a traditional burial and $4,000 to $7,000 for cremation. These numbers vary widely by region. Do not let anyone pressure you into spending more than you can afford. Your loved one would not want that.

Handle Social Media

This is a modern challenge that previous generations did not face. A few guidelines:

• Do not post on their social media accounts without family consensus.
• Consider who might learn of the death through social media before posting publicly. Make sure close friends and family hear from a person, not a Facebook post.
• Facebook has a memorialization process where you can request their profile be turned into a memorial page. Instagram has a similar option.
• Do not delete their accounts immediately. You may want access to photos, messages, and memories later. Secure the passwords but leave the accounts active for now.

Managing Their Home and Belongings

If they lived alone, you will need to address practical matters:

• Forward their mail to your address or a family member's
• Cancel or pause utilities if the home will be vacant
• Remove perishable food from the refrigerator
• Set lights on timers for security
• Water any plants (or ask a neighbor to help)

Do not rush to clean out their belongings. There is no deadline. Give yourself weeks or months before making decisions about their things. The urge to "handle everything" can be strong, but you will make better decisions when you are not in acute grief.

Legal and Financial Steps: A Timeline

This section is dense. That is intentional. It is a reference, not a reading assignment. You do not need to tackle it all at once. Bookmark this page. Come back to it as you are ready. Handle one or two items at a time when you have the energy.

One important note before you begin: you do not need to do all of this yourself. If the deceased had an attorney, that attorney can guide the estate process. If there is a named executor in the will, that person is legally responsible for most of these tasks. If there is no will and no attorney, consider consulting one. Many estate attorneys offer a free initial consultation, and the estate itself can often pay the legal fees.

Week 1 to 2

• File the death certificate with the county (the funeral home usually does this)
• Locate the will. If you cannot find one, contact their attorney. If there is no will, the estate will go through intestate succession (state law determines who inherits what).
• Contact their life insurance company to begin the claims process. You will need a death certificate and the policy number.
• Notify Social Security. Call 1-800-772-1213. If the deceased was receiving benefits, those payments must stop. Surviving spouses may be eligible for survivor benefits.
• Contact their bank to notify them of the death. The account will likely be frozen until the estate is settled, but you should report it to prevent fraud.

Week 2 to 4

• Contact their employer about final paychecks, unused vacation pay, pension benefits, life insurance through work, and COBRA health insurance options for dependents.
• Notify their health insurance company to cancel coverage (and explore options for dependents who were on their plan).
• File for any veteran benefits if the deceased served in the military. The VA may provide burial benefits, a headstone, and survivor benefits.
• Cancel credit cards in their name only. For joint cards, contact the issuer to remove the deceased and keep the account in the surviving holder's name.
• Notify the DMV to cancel their driver's license and vehicle registration transfer (if applicable).

Month 1 to 3

• Begin the probate process if required. Probate is the legal process of validating a will and distributing assets. Not all estates require probate. Small estates (the threshold varies by state, often $50,000 to $150,000) may qualify for simplified procedures. If probate is needed, the executor files the will with the local probate court, and the court appoints them as the legal representative of the estate. This process can take anywhere from a few months to over a year for complex estates.
• File their final tax return. The IRS requires a final income tax return for the year of death, covering January 1 through the date of death. If you are the executor, you are responsible for this. The return is due on the normal filing deadline (April 15 of the following year). Consider hiring a tax professional if the estate is complex or if the deceased was self-employed, had investments, or owned rental property.
• Transfer or close investment accounts, retirement accounts, and brokerage accounts. Each institution has its own process, but all will require death certificates. Retirement accounts like IRAs and 401(k)s have specific rules for beneficiary distributions. The rules differ for spouses and non-spouse beneficiaries, and the tax implications can be significant. This is one area where professional advice is worth the cost.
• Update property titles (real estate, vehicles) to reflect the transfer of ownership. For real estate, this may require filing a new deed with the county recorder's office. For vehicles, visit the DMV with a death certificate and the title.
• Cancel subscriptions and memberships. Go through their email, credit card statements, and bank statements to identify recurring charges. Common ones people miss: streaming services, gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, app subscriptions, cloud storage, domain registrations, toll road transponders, warehouse club memberships, and automatic charitable donations.
• File a change of address with the USPS if you have not already. This ensures you receive any bills, refunds, or legal notices sent to their address.
• Check for unclaimed assets. Visit your state's unclaimed property website (every state has one) to see if the deceased had any forgotten bank accounts, uncashed checks, or other assets. The National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators (unclaimed.org) links to every state database.

Month 3 to 12

• Continue monitoring their mail for any bills, refunds, or correspondence.
• Resolve any remaining estate matters with the probate court.
• Distribute assets according to the will or state law.
• Close the estate with the court once all debts are paid and assets distributed.

The First Month: Navigating Grief

The administrative burden starts to slow down after the first few weeks. And that is when grief often hits hardest. When the house empties, the casseroles stop coming, and the world moves on while yours has stopped.

I remember the moment it hit me. It was about three weeks after my mom died. I had been running on adrenaline, handling logistics, making calls, planning the service. And then one evening, the to-do list was empty. The house was quiet. And the full weight of it landed on me like a physical force. That is normal. It is brutal, but it is normal.

What Grief Actually Feels Like

Grief is not one feeling. It is a hundred feelings that take turns without warning. You may experience:

• Numbness or shock. Even if the death was expected, you may feel nothing for days. This is normal and protective.
• Waves of intense emotion. Crying in the grocery store because you saw their favorite cereal. This will happen. It does not mean you are falling apart.
• Anger. At the doctors. At God. At the person who died. At yourself. All of it is normal.
• Guilt. "I should have visited more." "I should have said this." Guilt is almost universal in grief, and almost never justified.
• Physical symptoms. Fatigue, insomnia, loss of appetite, headaches, chest tightness, brain fog. Grief lives in the body as much as the mind.
• Relief. If your loved one was suffering, feeling relief does not make you a bad person. It makes you human.

Things That Help

• Talk about them. Say their name. Tell stories. People around you may avoid bringing them up because they do not want to "remind" you. You have not forgotten. Hearing their name is a comfort, not a trigger.
• Move your body. Even a 10-minute walk. Grief causes a flood of stress hormones, and movement helps process them. You do not have to "exercise." Just walk around the block. Walk to the mailbox. Walk to the end of the driveway and back. Movement is medicine.
• Eat something. You may not feel hungry. Eat anyway. Your brain needs fuel. Keep simple food available. Crackers, fruit, peanut butter, soup. Things that require zero effort.
• Sleep as best you can. Insomnia is common in grief. If you cannot sleep, do not fight it. Get up, sit in a comfortable place, and rest even if sleep will not come. Avoid using alcohol to fall asleep. It disrupts sleep quality and can become a harmful pattern during grief.
• Let people help. When someone says "let me know if you need anything," give them a specific task. "Can you pick up groceries?" "Can you sit with me on Thursday?" "Can you drive the kids to school this week?" People want to help. Let them.
• Write things down. Grief brain is real. You will forget appointments, conversations, and decisions. Keep a notebook or use your phone. Write everything down without judgment.
• Consider grief counseling or a support group. There is no timeline for when to start. Some people benefit immediately. Others wait months. Both are fine. Psychology Today's therapist directory (psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) lets you search by specialty, including grief and bereavement. GriefShare (griefshare.org) offers groups in communities across the country.

Handling Their Belongings

Do not let anyone rush you. There is no right time to go through their closet, their desk, their garage. Some people need to do it within weeks. Others need a year. Both are okay.

When you are ready:

1. Start with low-emotion items. Kitchen supplies, tools, office supplies. Save clothes, jewelry, and personal items for later.
2. Invite someone to help. Not to decide what to keep, but to be present with you.
3. Create three categories: Keep, donate/give to someone specific, discard.
4. Keep more than you think you should. You can always let go later. You cannot get things back.
5. Photograph items you cannot keep but want to remember. A quick photo of their workshop, their bookshelf, their handwriting on a note.

The First Year: How Grief Changes Shape

The first year is a year of "firsts." The first birthday without them. The first holiday. The first ordinary Tuesday when you pick up the phone to call them and remember.

Milestones to Prepare For

• Their birthday. Some families celebrate it. Others find that too painful. There is no wrong approach.
• Major holidays. The empty chair at Thanksgiving. Christmas morning. These are hard. Plan ahead. Decide whether to keep traditions or create new ones.
• The anniversary of their death. The first anniversary often brings a wave of grief that surprises people. It can feel like you are back at the beginning. You are not. You are carrying a year of survival.
• Your own birthday. The absence of their call, their card, their voice singing off-key. Small absences can hit harder than big ones.
• Seasonal triggers. The smell of fall if they died in October. The sound of summer if that was your last vacation together. Grief is sensory.

When Grief Changes

Somewhere in the first year, something shifts. Not all at once. Not permanently. But the waves come less frequently. The spaces between them grow wider. You start to remember them with more warmth than pain. You laugh at a memory without crying afterward.

This is not "moving on." You do not move on from someone you loved. You move forward with them woven into who you are.

If you find that grief is not shifting, if it is getting worse, if you cannot function at work, maintain relationships, or take care of yourself, talk to a professional. Complicated grief is real and treatable. Asking for help is not weakness. It is the bravest thing you can do.

Preserving Their Legacy

After the paperwork, the logistics, and the impossible first weeks, there is one thing that matters more than all of it: making sure the person they were does not disappear.

Photos help. But photos do not capture the way they told a joke, the advice they gave you at 2 AM, or the story about their first job that they told every Thanksgiving. Stories do.

Collect Stories Now

Do not wait. Reach out to the people who knew them and ask:

• What is your favorite memory of them?
• What is something they said that stuck with you?
• What would you want their grandchildren to know about them?

Record these conversations if you can. Voice memos, video calls, handwritten letters. Every format works.

Preserve Voice Recordings and Videos

If you have voicemails, videos, or audio recordings, back them up immediately. Save them to cloud storage. Make copies. These are irreplaceable.

If you are looking for a structured way to gather stories, photos, and memories from everyone who loved them, that is exactly what we built Encapsoul to do. It gives family and friends a simple way to contribute their memories, which are then preserved in a lasting keepsake that captures who the person really was. Not just dates and facts, but the real stuff. The stories, the humor, the heart.

You can also read our full guide on how to preserve memories after losing someone for more practical steps.

Resources for Different Types of Loss

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. The relationship you had with the person shapes how you grieve.

Losing a Spouse or Partner

• You may need to rebuild daily routines that were built around two people
• Financial restructuring is often significant (one income, insurance changes, mortgage considerations)
• Loneliness hits hardest in the evenings and on weekends
• Consider a grief support group specifically for widows/widowers. Organizations like GriefShare and the Soaring Spirits community offer both in-person and online options.

Losing a Parent

• The loss of a parent shifts your identity. You are no longer someone's child in the same way.
• Sibling dynamics may change as you navigate the estate, belongings, and different grieving styles
• If the parent had a long illness, you may have been a caregiver. The sudden absence of that role creates its own kind of grief.
• If the relationship was complicated, grief can come tangled with unresolved feelings. That is normal and valid.

Losing a Child

• This is the loss no one is prepared for, regardless of the child's age
• The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org) is a national organization specifically for bereaved parents and siblings
• Marital strain is common after the loss of a child. Couples grieve differently. Consider couples counseling even if the relationship feels stable.
• Give yourself permission to grieve without a timeline. There is no "should be over it by now" for the loss of a child.

Sudden or Traumatic Loss

• Shock may last weeks or months
• PTSD symptoms (flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance) are possible and treatable
• You may feel anger or a need for answers that never come
• A trauma-informed therapist is especially helpful for sudden loss

Expected Loss After Long Illness

• You may have started grieving before they died. This is called anticipatory grief, and it is real.
• Relief after their suffering ends is not something to feel guilty about
• Caregiver burnout may surface once the caregiving stops. Take care of yourself now.

The Checklist

Here is everything above condensed into a printable reference. Come back to this as you need it.

First 24 Hours

• Call 911 or hospice nurse
• Do not move the body
• Contact a funeral home
• Notify immediate family
• Notify one or two close friends who can help make calls
• Notify their employer and your employer
• Secure their home if they lived alone
• Arrange care for their pets
• Locate will, insurance policies, and pre-arranged funeral plans
• Start a notebook to track tasks, calls, and accounts

First Week

• Order 10 to 12 certified death certificates
• Notify extended family, friends, and community
• Plan the memorial service or funeral
• Contact life insurance company
• Notify Social Security (1-800-772-1213)
• Notify their bank
• Forward their mail
• Handle social media decisions
• Begin collecting memories and stories from loved ones

First Month

• Contact employer about benefits, final pay, COBRA
• Cancel health insurance (explore options for dependents)
• Cancel credit cards in their name only
• Notify DMV
• File for veteran benefits if applicable
• Begin identifying and canceling subscriptions
• Consider grief counseling or a support group

First 3 to 12 Months

• Begin probate process if required
• File their final tax return
• Transfer or close investment and retirement accounts
• Update property titles
• Distribute assets per the will
• Close the estate
• Continue monitoring mail for bills and correspondence

You Are Going to Get Through This

I will not tell you it gets easier. That felt like a lie when people said it to me. What I will tell you is that it gets different. The sharp edges round over time. The weight does not disappear, but you get stronger at carrying it.

You are doing something incredibly hard. And the fact that you are here, reading a guide, trying to figure out the next step, means you are already doing it right.

Take it one hour at a time. Then one day. Then one week. You are not alone in this.

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Austin Adams is the founder of Encapsoul, a platform that helps families collect and preserve the stories, photos, and memories of the people they love. He built it after losing his mother and realizing how quickly the details of a life can fade if no one writes them down. You can learn more at encapsoul.life or start preserving memories today.