How to Write an Obituary: Templates, Examples, and What to Include

Writing an obituary is one of those tasks that lands on you without warning. Someone you love has died, and now, in the middle of your grief, you are asked to summarize an entire human life in a few hundred words. It feels impossible. How do you compress sixty or eighty years of living into a newspaper column?

Here is the honest answer: you cannot. An obituary is not a biography. It is not a eulogy. It is not a resume of accomplishments. It is a door. A small opening through which a stranger can glimpse who this person was and through which the people who loved them can see their name in print and feel the weight of what was real.

I have helped people write obituaries, and I have written one myself when my mother died. What I learned is that the best obituaries are not the longest ones or the most eloquent ones. They are the ones that sound like the person. The ones where you read a sentence and think, "Yeah, that was exactly her."

This guide will walk you through every part of the process. Structure, content, tone, templates, and the practical details of publishing and paying for it. Whether you have never written one or you have written several, this will help.

What an Obituary Actually Is

An obituary serves three practical purposes:

1. It announces the death to the community.
2. It provides information about memorial services, visitation, and how to send condolences.
3. It records a life for public record.

That third purpose is the one that matters most, and it is the one most people struggle with.

An obituary is not a eulogy. A eulogy is spoken at a service, is deeply personal, and can be as long and emotional as the speaker needs it to be. An obituary is written, is public, and needs to communicate clearly to people who may not have known the deceased well.

An obituary is also not a resume. Listing every job title and award might seem respectful, but it often produces something that reads like a LinkedIn profile, not a tribute to a human being. Include accomplishments, absolutely. But weave them into the story of who the person was.

The Standard Sections of an Obituary

Most obituaries follow a predictable structure. This is not a formula you have to follow rigidly, but it is a helpful framework, especially when you are writing under stress and time pressure.

1. The Opening: Name, Age, Date, and Place of Death

Start with the basics. This is the factual anchor of the obituary.

Example: "Margaret Ellen Thornton, 78, of Asheville, North Carolina, passed away peacefully on March 14, 2026, at Mission Hospital, surrounded by her family."

A few notes on language:

• "Passed away," "died," "went home," "entered eternal rest." Choose the language that fits your family. There is no wrong choice. Some families prefer the directness of "died." Others find comfort in softer phrasing.
• Include the city and state where they died, and optionally where they lived.
• "Surrounded by family" is a common addition if it is true. Do not include it if it is not.

2. Biographical Information

This is the "who were they" section. It typically includes:

• Date and place of birth. "She was born on June 3, 1947, in Birmingham, Alabama, to Robert and Doris (Campbell) Thornton."
• Education. Where they went to school, especially if they were proud of it.
• Career. Major jobs, especially long tenures or work they were passionate about.
• Marriage. When, where, and to whom. If they were widowed or divorced, use your judgment on what to include.
• Military service. If applicable, include branch, rank, years of service, and any notable deployments or commendations.
• Community involvement. Churches, volunteer organizations, clubs, boards.

3. Personal Details: Who They Really Were

This is where the obituary comes alive. This is the part most people skip or rush through, and it is the part that matters most.

What did they love? What were they known for? What was the thing about them that everyone who knew them would recognize?

Generic version: "She enjoyed gardening, cooking, and spending time with her family."

Alive version: "She grew tomatoes that were the envy of the entire neighborhood and was known to leave bags of them on porches without knocking. Her cornbread recipe will go to the grave with her, no matter how many times her daughters begged for it."

See the difference? The first one could describe any grandmother in America. The second one is specific. It sounds like a person. That specificity is what makes an obituary worth reading.

Think about:

• Their hobbies and passions (be specific, not generic)
• Their personality traits (were they funny? Stubborn? Generous to a fault?)
• Their quirks (did they alphabetize their spice rack? Refuse to use GPS? Have a terrible singing voice they inflicted on everyone?)
• A signature phrase or saying they were known for
• What they would want to be remembered for

4. Survived By

This section lists the living family members. The standard order is:

1. Spouse or partner
2. Children (and their spouses)
3. Grandchildren
4. Great-grandchildren
5. Siblings
6. Other significant family members

Example: "She is survived by her husband of 52 years, James Thornton; her daughters, Sarah Thornton-Park (Michael) of Denver, Colorado, and Rebecca Thornton of Atlanta, Georgia; her grandchildren, Emma, Jack, and Oliver; her brother, William Campbell of Birmingham, Alabama; and numerous nieces, nephews, and friends who were like family."

A few important guidelines:

• Include partners and spouses of children. Leaving out a son-in-law or daughter-in-law creates hurt feelings.
• Decide on grandchildren by name or by count. If there are 3 to 8 grandchildren, listing names is common. If there are 15, a count is fine.
• Include "preceded in death by" for deceased family members. "She was preceded in death by her parents and her sister, Dorothy."
• Be intentional about who you include. Estranged family members, ex-spouses, and step-relationships require sensitivity. When in doubt, include rather than exclude. An obituary is not the place to settle family disputes.
• Do not forget close friends. The phrase "and many dear friends" or a specific mention of a lifelong friend can mean the world to someone.

5. Service Details

Include the practical information people need:

• Type of service (funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside)
• Date, time, and location
• Visitation or viewing details (if applicable)
• Whether the service is public or private
• Reception details
• Livestream information for remote attendees

Example: "A celebration of her life will be held on Saturday, March 22, at 2:00 PM at First United Methodist Church, 123 Main Street, Asheville. The family will receive visitors beginning at 12:30 PM. A reception will follow the service in the fellowship hall."

6. Charitable Donations and Special Requests

Many families request donations in lieu of flowers. Be specific about where and how to donate.

Example: "In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Heart Association or the Asheville Humane Society in Margaret's memory."

You can also include other requests: wear her favorite color, bring a story to share at the service, plant a tree in her honor.

Going Beyond the Standard: Writing an Obituary That Sounds Like Them

The sections above give you the bones. Now let's talk about how to add the soul.

Start With a Story

Instead of opening with facts, open with a moment that captures who they were.

"If you ever sat next to Ed Mueller at a bar, two things were going to happen. He was going to buy you a drink, and he was going to tell you about the time he almost made the 1972 Olympic swim team. The story got better every year."

This tells you more about Ed Mueller in three sentences than a paragraph of biographical facts ever could.

Use Their Voice

If the person had a signature way of speaking, let that come through. If your dad called everyone "buddy," mention it. If your grandmother started every phone call with "Well, what do you know?", put that in the obituary. These tiny details are what people will remember and smile at.

Include Humor If It Fits

Not every person was funny, and not every family wants humor in an obituary. But if the person had a sense of humor, honoring that is one of the most respectful things you can do.

"He is preceded in death by his hair, which departed sometime in the early 1990s, and by his beloved dog, Biscuit, who he liked more than most people. He would want you to know that."

Humor in an obituary does not diminish the loss. It celebrates the person. Just make sure the family is aligned.

Mention the Hard Stuff (If Appropriate)

More and more obituaries are honestly addressing cause of death, especially for addiction, suicide, and mental illness. This is a personal family decision, but including it can reduce stigma and help others who are struggling.

"He fought a long and courageous battle with addiction" or "She struggled with depression for many years" are honest without being graphic. If you choose to include this, consider adding a resource (such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or SAMHSA helpline) in the obituary.

Three Templates to Work From

Template 1: Traditional and Formal

[Full Name], [age], of [city, state], passed away [peacefully/suddenly/after a courageous battle] on [date] at [location].

[He/She] was born on [date] in [city, state] to [parents' names]. [He/She] graduated from [school] and spent [his/her] career as a [profession] at [company/organization], where [he/she] was known for [quality or contribution].

[He/She] married [spouse name] on [date] in [location], and together they built a life centered around [family, faith, community, etc.].

[He/She] was a devoted [parent/grandparent/friend/volunteer] who loved [specific hobbies and interests]. [He/She] was a longtime member of [church/organization] and was active in [community involvement].

[He/She] is survived by [list]. [He/She] was preceded in death by [list].

A [funeral/memorial service/celebration of life] will be held on [date] at [time] at [location]. [Additional service details].

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [charity] in [his/her] memory.

Template 2: Personal and Narrative

If you knew [First Name], you knew [a specific trait, habit, or thing about them]. [One or two sentences that bring this to life with a specific example or story].

[First Name] was born in [city] on [date] and grew up [brief childhood detail]. [He/She] [career and life path told as a story rather than a list]. But what [he/she] was most proud of was [family, specific achievement, specific role].

[He/She] loved [specific interests, told with detail and personality]. [A sentence or two that captures a quirk, a saying, or a habit that was uniquely theirs].

[He/She] leaves behind [list of survivors, told warmly]. [He/She] was preceded in death by [list].

[He/She] died on [date] at the age of [age], [at home/at the hospital/surrounded by family].

The family will host a [celebration of life/service] on [date] at [location]. All who loved [him/her] are welcome.

Template 3: Short and Simple

[Full Name], [age], of [city, state], died on [date].

Born [date] in [city] to [parents], [he/she] was a [profession/role] who loved [2-3 things]. [He/She] is survived by [abbreviated list].

Services will be held [date] at [location]. Donations may be made to [charity].

The short template works well for newspaper obituaries where space costs money, or for families who prefer simplicity.

Where to Publish an Obituary

You have more options than you might think.

Newspaper

The traditional route. Most local newspapers still run obituaries, both in print and online. Contact the paper's obituary department (not the newsroom) for submission guidelines and pricing.

Funeral Home Website

Most funeral homes post obituaries on their website for free as part of their services. These often include a guestbook where people can leave condolences. This is standard and expected.

Online Obituary Sites

Sites like Legacy.com, Dignity Memorial, and Echovita host obituaries from funeral homes across the country. Some allow you to submit directly. These sites make the obituary searchable and accessible to people who might not see the local paper.

Social Media

A Facebook post or Instagram tribute is increasingly common. This is not a replacement for a formal obituary, but it reaches people that a newspaper never would. Especially for younger people or those with friends and family spread across the country.

Community or Organization Newsletters

If the person was active in a church, alumni association, professional organization, or community group, those organizations often publish announcements as well.

What an Obituary Costs

This is the part nobody warns you about. Newspaper obituaries are not free, and they are not cheap.

Newspaper Costs

• Per-line pricing: Many papers charge $10 to $15 per line. A typical obituary of 200 words might run $200 to $500.
• Per-word pricing: Some papers charge $0.50 to $1.00 per word.
• Flat-rate packages: A few papers offer packages at $200 to $400 for a set word count with a photo.
• Photo fees: Adding a photo typically costs an extra $25 to $150.
• Sunday/weekend premiums: Some papers charge more for weekend editions.
• Major metro papers: The New York Times, Washington Post, and other large papers can cost $1,000 or more for a standard obituary.

The bottom line: expect to pay $200 to $1,000+ for a newspaper obituary. Ask for the rate sheet before you write. It may influence how long you make it.

Free Options

• Funeral home websites (almost always free)
• Online obituary sites (free basic listings, paid upgrades)
• Social media (free)
• Your own website or blog (free)

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Having read hundreds of obituaries, here are the most common problems and how to avoid them.

Being Too Generic

"She was a loving mother and grandmother who enjoyed her family" could describe millions of people. Be specific. What made her different from every other loving grandmother? The answer is in the details.

Making It Too Long

A 2,000-word obituary tests the patience of even the most sympathetic reader. For a newspaper, aim for 200 to 400 words. For an online-only obituary, you have more room, but 500 to 800 words is a sweet spot that allows detail without excess.

Forgetting Someone in "Survived By"

This creates real pain. Before publishing, have at least two family members review the list. Check for step-children, half-siblings, partners, and close family friends who might expect to be mentioned. It is easier to add someone before publication than to apologize after.

Using Only Formal Language

If the person was casual and warm, the obituary should be casual and warm. If they were dignified and formal, match that. The tone should reflect the person, not the occasion.

Listing Accomplishments Without Context

"He received the Distinguished Service Award in 2004" means nothing to a reader. "He received the Distinguished Service Award for his work building affordable housing in communities that had none" tells a story.

Not Proofreading

Triple-check names, dates, and spelling. Obituaries become part of the permanent record. Errors are painful and difficult to correct after publication.

The Difference Between an Obituary and a Memorial

An obituary is a public announcement. It is concise by necessity. It captures the facts and a glimpse of the person.

A memorial is something deeper. A memorial is the full portrait. The stories that did not fit in 400 words. The photos that span decades. The voices of twenty different people describing the same person from twenty different angles.

An obituary might mention that your father loved fishing. A memorial captures the story of the time he fell out of the boat in front of his entire church group and laughed about it for ten years. An obituary lists his children. A memorial includes the letter he wrote to each of them on their wedding day.

If you want to go beyond the obituary and create something lasting, that is where a memorial book comes in. At Encapsoul, we help families gather those stories, photos, and memories from everyone who loved them and preserve them in a keepsake that captures the full picture of who someone was. The obituary opens the door. The memorial invites you inside.

Writing the Obituary: A Step-by-Step Process

If you are sitting down to write right now, here is a practical process:

1. Gather the facts first. Full name, dates, places, family members, education, career. Get these right before you write a single sentence.

2. Call two or three people who knew them well. Ask: "What is the first thing you think of when you think of them?" Write down whatever they say. These details are gold.

3. Pick one story or detail that captures who they were. This becomes your anchor. Everything else orbits around it.

4. Write a rough draft without editing. Get it all down. Do not worry about length or polish.

5. Read it out loud. Does it sound like them? Would they recognize themselves? Would their best friend nod and say "yes, that is exactly right"?

6. Cut it to length. If it is for a newspaper, trim ruthlessly. Save the longer version for online publication or a memorial.

7. Have at least two family members review it. Check facts, check the "survived by" list, and check tone.

8. Proofread one final time. Read it backward, sentence by sentence, to catch errors your brain skips over when reading forward.

A Final Thought

Writing an obituary under grief is one of the hardest writing tasks there is. You are trying to be accurate when your mind is foggy. You are trying to be concise when you want to say everything. You are trying to capture a whole person in a few paragraphs.

Give yourself grace. It does not have to be perfect. It has to be true. If it sounds like them, if a friend reads it and smiles, if a stranger reads it and wishes they had known the person, you have done your job.

And if you cannot write it, that is okay too. Ask a friend, a family member, or even the funeral home for help. Many funeral directors have written hundreds of obituaries and can guide you through it. There is no shame in asking for help when you are grieving.

You are honoring someone you loved. That is enough.

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Austin Adams is the founder of Encapsoul, where families collect and preserve the stories, photos, and memories that an obituary can only hint at. He believes every person deserves more than 400 words. Learn more at encapsoul.life or read about how to preserve memories after loss.